The Plights of Plungers, and Patience
"Oh Lord", I said...as I sat up in the bed, wondering if I was going to be able to do much today. I pulled a muscle in left shoulder, you know the kind...that hurts with every breath.
My ankle was aching badly from overdoing it the past couple of days, and the fybromyalgia soared off the charts with inflammation, suddenly! It had been an overwhelmingly difficult past few weeks with design deadlines on magazine, internet dysfunction, daughter in ER, a scare of one of my adult sons possibly missing, plumbing, plungers,
and biting gnats
with a plight of near insanity.
I just didn't want to deal with my own impatience today. I wanted to crawl back under the covers where it was safe, where I could hide from today's duties and drama.
I wanted to stay there until I got my "Yes" The yes from God on all my concerns...Yes, today is the day I will be pain free, Yes, today sponsors will be beating my door down to fund the ministry...Yes, today my son will be excited for school work and actually follow through without grumbling.
Yes, someone will pitch in and take care of a few chores...so I can heal up quicker...so I can continue ministry. Yes, all my adult children will be functioning happily and receive the desires of their heart with loved ones, and ALL at the same time.
Yes, it will stop raining long enough for property to dry up to mow down the jungle...and repair septic issue. Yes, I will walk past a mirror and STOP counting calories! Yes, my no's will mean no's and be consistent. Yes, my husband will graciously understand the pain, concerns, fears, and impatience...I sometimes display when feeling weak.
Yes, you will be able to pay off all debts, and be free of financial worries. Yes, your house will function in total peace. Yes, you will never have to swat another pesky gnat in your face ever again!!! I could hear the sounds of the political debate in my own head shouting these Yes's as if to campaign for a peace treaty.
The "to-dos" and "to-don'ts" are like sticky notes on my brain, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! Waiting...waiting...waiting. Waiting on answers, waiting on direction, waiting to exhale the sighs of relief.
I just wanted my yes. What do you do when you feel like you have been waiting for 40 years to reach the promise land? Waiting hasn't been my virtue. However, I know it is a necessary one. It is in the waiting that you discover a journey into a sometimes very necessary crucifying of your own soul, your thoughts, and plans. It is through the waiting you find that some things are not priority, and others are. It is when you wait, you start counting your very own heart beat to hear it continuously flowing life throughout your body, a life that even in the waiting...is blessed to still be in existence.
Waiting brings challenges of self-control, both in word and deed.
Sometimes we become so impatient we snatch back the very issue we turned over to God, believing He isn't handling it quickly enough or as we thought it should be. I know this too well. Sometimes I let ME get in the way and forget who really is in charge, and I try to take the world into my hands.
I am learning to wait in long lines without too much grumbling....keeping pulse steady. I've learned to breathe slow deep breaths while stuck in crawling traffic. I'm even learning to be patient with my children's shoes sprawled everywhere but where they belong. Now, if I could just master the art of patience with one of our cats, Holly, who has to walk a full length circle at least twice....before exiting the door she has been howling at, to be let out...I could almost swear this cat was birthed with a nag demon just to torture ME!
To wait. What does it mean?
In the Hebrew dictionary it means to:
yachal yaw-chal' -to wait; to be patient, hope:--(cause to, have, make to) hope, be pained, stay, tarry, trust, wait.
And there it is folks! (be pained)...Seriously? I know it means to trust, tarry, etc...but PAINED? I've been in chronic pain for eleven years! I think I would have learned to wait by now. No one ever said, it was going to hurt to wait...our Sunday school teachers never taught that lesson. Who would have ever thought to: WAIT = PAIN?
Then I found the Greek definition:
therapeuo ther-ap-yoo'-o : to wait upon menially, i.e. (figuratively) to adore (God), or (specially) to relieve (of disease):--cure, heal, worship.
Yet, to wait patiently on God...therapeutically, it brings healing, a cure, and relief from disease or DIS-EASE!
I realize that God may never heal my chronic pain, or I may have to function in the dysfunction of this life. I may never be blessed to be debt free. As long as I know my debt to God is paid...then I'm okay.
I know that in all of it, I must wait...I have to wait...I can wait while I worship, and continue while my weak eagle wings grow feathers of strength to soar above these circumstances. While my weary walk becomes a marathon on a mission, I shall run and not faint....as I wait...and wait on my God. The Maker, shaker, and motivator of my soul!
Isaiah 40:31(KJV)But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Brenda A. Graff Founder FOOD FOR SOUL MAGAZINE |