SLEEPWALKING
By Brenda Graff
The
alarm sounds, its 4:30 a.m. as you already hear the alarms going off in your head
of the day’s task ahead of you. It seems
to be a struggle just to kick the covers off and prepare to get up. Feeling as if you haven’t slept one
hour the night before. Still tired,
half asleep you stumble to the bathroom, take a look in the mirror, and
ugh! You think to yourself, “Where have
the years gone?” This person staring
back at me cannot be me! Counting a new
wrinkle, a gray strand of hair, or plucking one from your chin if a female...
Seriously? Ugh. Another worry line, another wrinkle. |
,
or one from your nose if a male. How did life go by so fast?
What gives? I just shaved down those ear hairs yesterday. |
There is a point in life when you
reach a certain age you begin the countdown of years left. If you listen to statistics then you count
every second. It’s enough to set you
in panic mode, trying to cram every activity possible into every
breathing moment. You don’t want to miss
a thing.
You still got the bucket list
of things you want to experience before the ultimate departure from this world. I got to thinking about this
the other day, seriously thinking about it found myself wondering what on earth
is there that I would want to experience before I die? I’ve had the privilege of experiencing much
so far.
I’ve met BETH MOORE in person
and had the honor of her blessings over my life in one of the most unexpected places (a grocery store). That truly was one for my
real bucket list. I've met Joyce and Dave Meyers, broke bread with George Bush right before he ran for President. I even got to take a photo with Mattress Max that day (if anyone remembers who that is) this was nearly a century ago.
I’ve met some
wonderful celebrities and sang on stage with a few in little watering holes years ago. I have traveled to New York a few times and
heard the homeless sing in the subways, and dance on the trains freely gifting
the audience with their incredible talent.
I continue to meet wonderful scholars, teachers, speakers, writers, and musicians.
What I have discovered is that whether celebrity or (as we call normal) every day hard-working citizens is this: We all share a common bond (a need for love, acceptance, and Jesus). We can be hurt, suffer in ways money cannot fix. Titles mean nothing when your under the gun with chemo. The show will go on with or without you. Life is fleeting to all BIG, small, thin, tall, RICH, or poor. Fame can't heal an addict, abuser, or broken (only God can). I once heard someone say they stay as far away from 'high society' as we call it...as possible. The truth is, they need God just as much as the poverty stricken. God didn't say. "Go into only the poor areas of this world and preach the gospel". No HE said,
What I have discovered is that whether celebrity or (as we call normal) every day hard-working citizens is this: We all share a common bond (a need for love, acceptance, and Jesus). We can be hurt, suffer in ways money cannot fix. Titles mean nothing when your under the gun with chemo. The show will go on with or without you. Life is fleeting to all BIG, small, thin, tall, RICH, or poor. Fame can't heal an addict, abuser, or broken (only God can). I once heard someone say they stay as far away from 'high society' as we call it...as possible. The truth is, they need God just as much as the poverty stricken. God didn't say. "Go into only the poor areas of this world and preach the gospel". No HE said,
Mark 16:15
Then He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to the whole creation.
God isn't partial, therefore we shouldn't be either.
Back to the point. I have had the privilege of holding six beautiful babies at birth , my very own...who
caused love to pour out of me in ways I didn’t know existed. I have worked with Special Olympics and children with autism finding their joy is unexplainable, yet so incredible, and contagious! I had the honor of speaking in prisons,
domestic and community shelters, an schools, and watching a miracle of God give way
as many gave their lives to him despite their circumstance.
God has blessed me with the ability to write
and publish books, and articles (something my mother always forecasted I would
do since small..."wish you had been here to see this ma") I have had the pleasure of holding a hand while reading Psalms to persons waiting to be taken to their eternal
home.
I have water-skied, went tubing, roller-bladed, ice-skated, rafted, traveled through many states, climbed water falls, and camped in some of the highest mountains.
I have water-skied, went tubing, roller-bladed, ice-skated, rafted, traveled through many states, climbed water falls, and camped in some of the highest mountains.
I’ve had the incredible honor of meeting many
women and men in nursing homes who fought in wars, ran our cities, and
states with stories of heroism and sorrow. I’ve had the pleasure of feeling
the little arms of a grandchild around my neck and hearing “Grandma”. I've laid on the cool grass of the eve and starred into the sky of a million stars in awe of God's incredible beauty. I've sat on the shores at the beach and felt the winds of sea water brush over me with pure "peace be still". What more could I want? Perhaps an uninterrupted date night with Hubby before retiring to a nursing home or grave would be really awesome!
After mulling over a few
possibilities such as: a trip to Paris (ugh...no...hate flying too long), a cruise (not wanting
to catch dysentery), bungee jumping (not ready to die that
way), swimming across an ocean (not prepared to have leg gnawed off by sharks),
Back off man! I thought you were a Vegan. |
I realized I would probably settle for back stage passes to meet Andrea Bocelli
and a chance to accompany him on stage singing “The Prayer” song. I would also love to take all my six kids and
grands to Disneyland. Even though four
of mine our already adults. I think I
would still get to experience the glistening wonder in their eyes of excitement
over the animation and thrilling sights
and sounds…and perhaps they would have a taste of what it was like to be a kid
again,
and not live their lives so fast, and serious all the time just as I have.
Maybe they wouldn’t ever have the unfortunate
opportunity of waking up too young in the mirror looking old and asking themselves, “Where have all
the years gone?”
Did I sleepwalk through
mine? Much! I was so overwhelmed with responsibilities and circumstances
around me, I exhaustively lived. Rarely
getting sleep, kept me in a constant state of insomnia and exhaustion. It wasn’t until in this recent year that I
had to force myself to slow down. Take a
nap when needed. Turn off cell phones at
times for total peace and quiet. Yes,
sometimes even overnight. Sometimes
there are times, you just have to do that.
Staying in a constant flight or fright mode awaiting for stuff to arise,
is exhausting. It got to a point where I
dreaded answering my phone for any reason.
I wasn’t sure if it was going to be another death, cancer diagnosis, accident,
divorce, or depression call. Yet, the
ministry God has called me to for many years is to often take those calls,
whether it be consoling a family at funeral processions, waiting it out with
someone in a hospital waiting room, or holding the hand of someone who is broken-hearted. Actually HE has called us all
to do just that. Isaiah 61:1 You don't need to be ordained, just BE available!
However, I do believe that at
times you can get so busy putting out fires you forget to fill up the
extinguisher. Over time this can make you
become desensitized, overly exhausted, and seemingly insensitive to the needs
of others. Before you realize it, you
have sleepwalked through the years.
Unable to comprehend how the toddler who once sheltered behind your
legs hanging on for dear life, is now moving off to college.
You realize that you won’t get to hear the
echoing sounds of your daughter’s screeches as she screams “higher daddy,
higher” on the swing set of joy,
it’s too late for that…instead you will walk
her down the aisle into the arms of the other man in her life, her
husband.
Suddenly, your spouse who you
promised you would take to the opera, or dinner someday only has a date with chemo.
The friend you said you would visit years ago, will only get to experience your presence at their graveside.
The friend you said you would visit years ago, will only get to experience your presence at their graveside.
Have you been sleep walking? Stop living life vicariously through others, social
media, or television. This isn’t the new
normal! We are supposed to live and live
life abundantly. This has nothing to do
with the big home, the fancy cars, or ginormous diamonds to wear. You can’t take any of that with you when you die. Prestigious titles, positions, and salaries
are not going to bring you to a place of everlasting joy or close personal
relationship with others.
Money can’t
buy you love. Money sure helps though…it is a struggle to
be struggling all the time, don’t get me wrong.
However, if I had to choose how I would want to be stranded with
someone, it would have to be the person who was made up of heart, not
gold.
Money is not evil! However, it can drive a person who worships it
to an early grave and cause them to suffer many relational issues. It can cause someone to sleep walk through a
marriage, rearing of children, time with spouse, time serving for God. Because having it all is never ever enough. Ecclesiastes 5:10
Anyone can throw money at a
cause, but to give time away, is more of a precious commodity. It is in that time you develop relationships. You experience the realness of another’s
soul. You learn something new.
There has to be balance in work, play, family, and ministry time. There has to be time for restoration, and separation. A time to laugh, a time to die. You can have a meaningful or meaningless life. (The book of Ecclesiastes)
Do you want to
sleepwalk your way through life or experience it.? Life
isn’t like “Motel 6” it won’t always leave the light on waiting for you to come
home. James 4:14
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