DIGGIN’ UP BONES
-Brenda Graff
Have you ever had a conversation with someone that left you exasperated? The entirety of discussion was desperately depressing, lacking direction, and drama-filled over something as simple as a hangnail? The negativity reeked with every word that spewed out of their mouth like pollutants choking the air. There was nothing that person could find positive to say. What do you do in those situations? Do you hang up abruptly? Excuse yourself politely? Or walk away?
It doesn’t take me long in listening to a negative conversation before I have to find the mute button. That kind of talk is like Poison Ivy to me, it makes my skin crawl with a burning itch to run away. Understanding, that sometimes an individual is experiencing something painful whether it be physical or spiritual, and need to be dealt with tenderly. In other words, I would pray for them, offer assistance, or lead them to counseling. I’m speaking more on the chronic complainers, the excavating extremist who live to dig up the dead and carry the corpse for years!
The more we talk problems, the more anxious, depressed, or sick one can become. It blows my mind when speaking to someone who cannot see the forest for the trees because they are so caught up in their circumstances or blinded with regrets.
Our perspective over a situation can drastically change how we handle issues. I attended a Beth Moore’s simulcast a while back, in which she reenacted a corpse scenario. She carried a simulated one across stage, sat with it, drove with it, took it to family reunions, and even tried to give it CPR. It was hilarious! Her message was focused on the old self we drag up not accepting grace. She was reviving a dead past, which keeps one in a constant state of misery, and MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
This is where the negative conversations come into play. Some keep breathing life into the corpse until the stench has reached insurmountable proportions and spews onto everyone they run into. We can become like a broken record constantly repeating our gloom, doom, sorrow, and M-I-S-E-R-Y! We truly need to be careful of what comes out of our mouths. Life and death are in the tongue.
Proverbs 18:21Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
In looking up the definition of fruit I found in:
Strong's Hebrew LexiconNuwb noob: means to germinate, i.e. (figuratively) to (causatively , make flourish; make cheerful, increase.
This sounds like encouragement to me! Yet the opposite and negative aspect of speaking negatively as it explains in the Greek definition will cause to die away.
Strong's Greek Lexicon akarpos ak'-ar-pos: (as a negative particle) barren (literally or figuratively):--without fruit, unfruitful.
phthinoporinos fthin-op-o-ree-nos' autumnal: (as stripped of leaves):--whose fruit withereth.
Our words can be fruitful or fruitless. This means that the words we speak have authority. We can choose to speak words of encouragement or discouragement. Each time you encouragingly speak; those words spring forth life not only for you but also to those around you.
When you speak words of death, then you kill off areas of your life that should produce fruit. This can also be directed to those around you. How often have you called someone a not-so-nice name? Or raised your voice with words of discouragement? Those words can rapidly drain confidence, and break someone’s spirit. What usually ends up happening is that individual who has been battered with words usually become exactly what was spoken over them.
Negative self-talk is terminal; it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. “I can’t, I won’t, It’s too hard”, etc. How we think and feel about ourselves oozes on the outside! It shows in our actions, and inaction. When we believe in the self-doubting thoughts, others start to believe it too.
(Psalm 64:8, Psalm 52:2)
Our tongues due to their size in nature are considered to be one of the strongest muscles in the body. It can actually lift up 80 times its own weight. Do you realize that if your tongue were as big as an elephant’s trunk…it could uproot trees? It is a powerful and mighty tool. It can tear down and it can lift up!
(Proverbs 15:4)
Now before you beat yourself up for misusing this mighty muscle. Stop and ask God for forgiveness, repent, and move on. David spoke in scripture asking the question:
Psalm 15:3Who does not slander with his tongue? Who does not harm his friend or discredit his neighbor?
In other words, we’ve ALL done it, whether through gossip, criticizing, or throwing darts of deceit. As Christ followers we need to work on it.
Psalm 34:13Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from deceitful speech. No one can rightfully say, “I’m a Christian who truly loves God” and in the same breath speak fatal words.
James 1:26If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, then his religion is useless and he deceives himself.
God is about love and when we speak words of hatred, we kill!
1 John 3:15Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
I can hear it now. How can you love someone who seems unlovable? How can you speak kindness to the very one that rips you with venomous words? You can’t!
James 3:8But no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
But God can! And he can through you, if you let him. We will experience emotions at times that will cause ill feelings. It would be impossible not to. You would have to be on heavy sedatives, or wearing a shock collar that reminded you every time you had a sour thought towards someone or a situation. We are not perfected yet, and won’t be until we meet Jesus. God has emotions, and Jesus expressed anger on earth. He yelled, he threw items, but his was a righteous anger.
(John 2:13-25)
The bible tells us it is natural to experience emotions, but do not sin because of it.
(Ephesians 4:26-27)
It is a matter of not allowing ourselves to get caught up in our feelings, complaining, disgruntled, criticizing, gossiping, and saying things we will regret later. It only makes you look like a fool and keeps you dark in your circumstances.
The Bible clearly identifies intelligence verses ignorance in conversations and none of it directs us to dig up the dung that has been buried at the cross in someone's life or to excavate our past, living in a constant state of regret.
(Psalm 37:30, Proverbs 31:26, Corinthians 14:9)
In all of King David’s grandeur he even had to withstand from making comments in the presence of others who taunted him.
Psalm 39:1“I will guard my ways so that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth with a muzzle as long as the wicked are in my presence.”
How many times have we gotten ourselves in trouble from speaking before we think? We’ve hurt loved ones, and probably even the very ones we relate to in God’s family.
We can choose to speak in love, and live a joyful life, experiencing good days despite circumstances when we control our tongue, thoughts, and emotions.
(1 Peter 3:10)
There have been more than a few occasions that I chose misery over joy digging up the corpse of conversations buried in my backyard. They were dug up so many times my yard looked like a minefield. I’d throw him back in the hole, bury him deep, and then low and behold he would show up at my back door dressed with concern and compassion, but he stunk with death! I have to be careful whom I converse with or that old corpse might come running through my front door with some of his zombie friends, pizza in hand, and balloons to throw me a pity party. I have to stay in a mindset of betterment.
I fell in love with this verse.
Psalm 45:1My heart is moved by a noble theme as I recite my verses to the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.
David had chosen to use his words artistically, beautifully, and with such grace when he wrote that. Oh, how I want my lips to drip with honey every time I speak. I want it to be a sweet savor.
My desire is to be like EF Hutton, "When EF Hutton speaks, people listen!" And I want them to listen, not because of intellectual info on the stock market, but rather for words that enlighten, encourage, build up, edify, and speak life.
Let’s bury those corpses of negative comments, and conversations. Bury him good...don’t throw him out to sea, where he’ll wash back up like a message in a bottle bringing bad news.
I challenge everyone this year to make a conscious effort to guard their lips. Choose words of life. Use our tongue for praise instead of penalties. Live with gratitude instead of grumbling. We should try to compliment instead of criticize. Learn to accept instead of accuse. Keep our conversations useful, and fruitful.
(Psalm 35:28, Isaiah 50:4)
I love this quote for its truth:
“Save your skin from the corrosive acids from the mouths of toxic people. Someone who just helped you to speak evil about another person can later help another person to speak evil about you.”
-Israelmore Ayivor
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