Loosing Faith

What does it mean to have child-like faith?  It is almost incomprehensible to have that kind of dependence.  It is difficult for some to imagine being able to rely on someone, trust, feel certain, know…that you know…that you know…that you can definitely, undoubtedly TRUST anyone these days.

The Hebrew definition of trust is:

'aman aw-man'- to build up or support; to foster as a parent or nurse; be faithful

The Greek is:

pisteuo pist-yoo'-o -to have faith (in, upon, or with respect to, a person or thing), i.e. credit; to entrust (especially one's spiritual well-being to Christ)

When we put our trust in someone, it's like throwing yourself into an imaginary safety net. Will it hold?  It’s hard in this day and age when everything around us is screaming uncertainty.  We can only be certain of a few things on this earth and that is:

Appliances break down…and usually all at once. 

Automobiles fall apart before the last payment is made. 

You will spend half your life waiting in a doctor’s office, that’s why it’s called a “Waiting Room”.  

There will always be taxes. 

I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic.  I’m only forty-eight but as I get older the more realistic I become.  I used to trust almost anyone or anything.  Of course, finding out later that it was a costly mistake.   However, what I have learned is that I can trust Jesus.    

I know that it is difficult to trust what you cannot see.  

It’s easy to become discouraged and lose faith when experiencing a great loss.  Perhaps it is the loss of a loved one, a job, or health.  It is nearly impossible to have faith like a child without the strength of God, when one is constantly in the battlefield of being an adult ALL the time.

One Saturday, while dressing to head out, I had decided to put on a pair of my favorite earrings.  These were no ordinary pair.  As a matter of fact, I was so delighted to find them in the store, I didn't hesitate to purchase them.  These were loop earrings with one of my favorite words at the base of them in large print.  It is a word that I use often in describing my passion for Christ.  I proudly wore them as a simple reminder of what we should be operating in at all times.  If I looked in the mirror, there it was...FAITH.  If in conversation with another...FAITH.  If standing in a long line at a grocery store, others would see FAITH.  It was my way of subliminally injecting FAITH without saying a single word. 

These were no doubt, though only .99 cents, jewelry I treasured.  However, that afternoon as I was leaving the library discovered that one of my earrings was missing.  In a panic, I began checking everywhere backtracking every step.

My daughter was heading towards me and I said to her, "I lost FAITH again".  She chuckled, and begin to search for the earring.  She knew how much it meant to me.  However, we were unsuccessful at finding it.  It seemed hopeless.  Where was my FAITH?

Upon waking in the mornings and sometimes with much doubt, discouraged with battling illness for several years, I would pick up these earrings and see FAITH.  It reminded me to hold fast to FAITH.  

This past year or so has been a ground shaking, earth quaking with tremors and all season for our family and many others we know.  Some have had to experience sudden back or knee surgeries that have taken longer to heal.  Others have had unexpected deaths, illness, or tragedy strike. 

In our case it was one thing after another coming in forms much like a tidal wave sweeping over us without the chance to come up for air.

At first it was a simple toothache.  Left untreated turned into a nightmare!  A prescription drug I was given to clear up infection may have caused the lining of my digestive system to tear open.  I spent several days in and out of hospital and medical test unable to hold in so much as a sip of water.  

I had to stop medication and have that bothersome tooth pulled.  What was supposed to be a simple procedure, turned into a major ordeal with oral surgery and stitches.  In the meantime, I was suffering severe stomach pain, unable to eat. 

It was frustrating going through several months of one medical test after another with no clear answers.  Entering into each test was alarming.  

Words of FAITH had been used much.  It is unsettling when something odd is happening in your body.  We tend to think the worst.  However, you must understand...I had a malignant tumor eleven years ago when my youngest son, Cody was born.  Everything seemed okay until I received the call from M.D. Anderson announcing the dreaded news.  I was terrified!  Here I was with six children, one being only six weeks old.  Was I going to be around to raise them?  Thinking back, I remember asking God to give me at least five more years with my youngest son to raise.  He has given me eleven years and nine months so far.  I don't take lightly the effects of cancer. 

The night before I was to have the oral surgery, I had gotten word that a family member and someone I had become extremely close to in ministry, was in critical condition.  

I will never forget the phone conversation or the day.  It was Sunday afternoon, May 13th.  I remember hanging up the phone and beginning to wail in disbelief, sobbing loud enough for neighbors to hear.  I had just spoken with him a few weeks before.  This was no ordinary uncle, this was my deceased mother's brother. We had a relationship that no one could understand.  

It was a spiritual kind.  Our thoughts, words spoken, and written were similar in many ways. It was as if God had given birth to twins separated by age and generation only.  The prayers to overcome, climb, take risk, and leap with FAITH beyond boundaries came during our years together in Georgia.  

We had suffered a major blow in our relationship at one point.  The very person I loved so much, was also the one who broke my heart, as I did his.  The stubbornness surmounted between us much like two battle ships colliding bows in the rough seas.  It was during that time that FAITH seemed lost. 

It was a period of time when my FAITH, his FAITH, our entire family's FAITH was being tested.  It was a crucifying of our wills.    Shortly after his passing, his daughter, my cousin, was diagnosed with Leukemia.  A young mother of two fighting for her life.  She received a bone marrow transplant, and is recovering.  Yet, still suffering the effects of chemo.

My poor aunt barely widowed had to go through the agony of watching her daughter on the brink and still has yet to have a moment to grieve.  This family has been shaken, yet not apart, it's been moved, but not displaced.  Faith has kept this family glued together.

I saw one of my dearest sisters in Christ, and friend with stage four cancer fight every single day of her life to survive.  She was unlike anyone I had ever known.  She continued to teach the youth and serve her church congregation, and family during the effects of her treatment. How?  Did she walk by FAITH?  Absolutely!  It was painfully obvious to those who knew her on the days that she was not feeling well.  Yet, she continued in her plight to keep going without complaint, never portraying self-pity or bitterness.  

FAITH...she walked in it, FAITH...she talked in it, and by FAITH she smiled through it.  She went home to be with Jesus right before Thanksgiving, and FAITH is what holds her family together now.

There have been times when I felt I had lost my FAITH.   Every time I begin to walk away from the adage that 

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me" Ephesians 3:20 

because I start leaning on self, God quickly reminds me that it is not in my own strength, nor will it ever be, to handle life as I know it.  

It may seem that all has failed when nothing makes sense.  Yet, it is behind the curtain that God is working a plan out unlike you or I could ever understand.  

As he says in:

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways.” This is the Lord’s declaration. 9 “For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

God is conducting the play, all he is asking us to do is to act out and walk on stage with FAITH, trembling legs and all. 

He wants us to desperately trust the hands that have created us.  If we could walk in FAITH, there would be no end to what we could accomplish in Christ. 

There would be little discussion of worry, and more action taking place. We would stand up in confidence and boldly go in the leading of the Holy Spirit.  

We would become FAITHFUL servants knowing the one that we are serving is so FAITHFUL to us. 

It may seem simpler to not trust, at least you won't be let down, Right?  However, it is easier walking by FAITH, because you’re spared all those exhausting arguments of “WHAT IF’S?”  

Loosing FAITH for that day, only cost me .99 cents.  But a lifetime would cost me eternity.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. -John 3:16

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Brenda A. Graff
Founder
FOOD FOR SOUL MAGAZINE

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