THIS IS US

THIS IS US...

-Brenda Graff

At the end of a long day of to-do’s, I was kind of in a funk.  It was exhausting trying to force myself to stay awake.  Much time had been spent in bed over the past several weeks in between working and running errands.  There wasn’t much energy for anything else, like preparing a meal for my family, folding laundry, much less doing laundry or washing a single dish.  The day had been wonderful!  It was a pleasant day spent visiting with long distant folks, even with my not so pleasurable to-dos of the day.  The sun was shining.  The weather was brilliant!  I relished riding in my car without teens fighting over what radio station to listen to as I sang to an old country classic by John Conlee.  Had a great lunch and read a full article ALONE without choking down food in between threats to teens squabbling over salsa.  It was a good day!  But, I was saddened at the thought of turning in to bed before the sun had gone down.  

The house needed so much work, and I wasn’t even sure if there were left-overs in fridge for everyone to eat.  I tried to drink some coffee to kick me in gear, but it just wasn’t happening.  It never happens lately, especially on the days I must go for therapeutic phlebotomy.  It drains me.  The running back and forth to doctors is draining.  The waiting on test results, and alarming reports is DRAINING!  The dreaded phone calls coming in with not so great news is draining!  Before this I was going to the gym almost daily, now that has been put on hold.  My poor dogs are depressed from not hitting the park as much.  The kids have become oblivious to my taking up resistance in my bed most of the time.  This is not how I planned my life!  

I told my husband I miss our crazy normal!  The normal when I was running fifty different directions, and running circles around the washing machine!  Cooking up a feast with music playing, candles lit, and occasionally dancing in my kitchen.  I missed our spur of the moment runs to the park, the lakes, the mountains, and hearing the water falls.  I even missed enjoying a grocery store trip!  I know that is insane.  My husband does 90% of the shopping now.  I have to save my energy for work so there is provision for my family.  My husband must work to provide and provide the care I cannot for our children at times, etc. school projects and taxi runs and myself some of the time.  It at times can be bitterly overwhelming.    

What was supposed to be a clear cut medical diagnosis with treatment has turned into a full-time job.  I am not just speaking physically.   Forcing oneself to shut the world off and rest isn’t as easy as it sounds!  However, I brought all this up because it has made me keenly aware of what I do and don’t want in this life left that God has blessed me with whether its five years or fifty more!  Saddened I would often look at the core of my family and marriage and wonder if we were ever going to be what most considered “normal”.  Would we EVER just live a period of time where there wasn’t a fire to put out?  Is our home EVER going to be FREE?  (Free from stress, illness, bills, marred memories of pain) overflowing baskets of laundry and DOG HAIR!  Will I ever be able to walk in my kitchen and not find dishes piled in the sink, or water splashed all over counters, peanut butter smudge markings on the fridge, or jelly stuck to the table?  Will I ever be able to open a drawer to find a fork exist?  Is the light in the bathroom ever going to be turned off after use?  Will the lawnmower make it just one more summer?  Or has it taken its last breath? Will the same telemarketer that calls me on cue every single day FINALLY TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER?  Are we ever going to have enough time and money to take our children camping again before they are too old to care?  Or perhaps it’s too late? Will my husband and I EVER put our differences completely aside and relish in our realness together?  If only time would stand still.  

Last night as I prepared for bed, I remembered the last episode of the season “This is Us” was airing and had to stay up!  I wasn’t going to miss this!  As I watched the “The long-stewing marital tensions between Jack and Rebecca on "This Is Us" finally come to a full boil in the emotional season finale.”  In the lead up to Jack and Rebecca's big fight, Jack and Ben (Sam Trammell) scuffled after Jack learned Ben tried to make a move on his wife. Rebecca had rejected Ben's advance, but didn't get a chance to tell Jack that in the moment. Instead, she left her big gig to drive drunk Jack home.  Rebecca had proclaimed how she had sacrificed her whole life for her husband and kids leaving Jack to say, “I’m sorry that we never gave you satisfaction” OUCH!  The kids were grown not needing her as much, and well Hubby seemed always distant and unaware of her needs.  The argument escalated into a screaming match.

Once back home — again, safely — the couple aired all their grievances. Rebecca was mad that Jack was still drinking. Jack was mad Rebecca had, as he saw it, put her band before her family. Rebecca accused Jack of resenting her taking time for herself. And Jack dealt a devastating blow when he said he didn't see her singing as a "career."

Everything each character had suppressed during the season was finally out in the open for the other to see. And it wasn't pretty.

In the end, Rebecca asked Jack to move in with his best friend Miguel. Jack agreed, but not before making a big, Jack-like proclamation of love the following morning.  The love he couldn’t express in words the night before.  The words that she desperately needed to hear.  The words that perhaps would change the whole outcome of this dreadful scene.  The words left unsaid that were followed by her stating, “Jack I’m very sad now, and tired.  I am going to bed, just let me”.

The words he spoke were ugh…heart tugging!  Especially, when he said “I love how when you laugh, you laugh with your whole face” …. something like that.  Rebecca sat there at the table with tears streaming stating how they have messed up their kids.  Jack on the other hand disagrees and comfortingly says, “This is only a hiccup, we will get through this”.  “This isn’t the end, this is just the beginning”.  He then, quietly leaves out the front door.  Ugh!  A CLIFF-HANGER!  Will Rebecca and Jack get it together?  We won’t know until next season!!!!!  

Anyhow, as I watched the unraveling of this marital moment of crisis, I couldn’t help but think of our own over the years, and wondering if we would EVER get it together, or was our life going to permanently stay in survival mode?  Not just our relationship, but our whole family.  What is the norm?  Is this the norm?  Or is this the new normal?  My husband started a new job, one that he has been hoping for a very long time.  Excited, but also somberly aware of our age, and progression of time and the reality of time limits….and starting over so late in the game… we both kind of hold our breath to see what the future holds.  

Will God’s grace give us the opportunity to try and do over what we somehow failed to recognize in all those time-wasting worries, arguments, and bad choices in life?  Will our bodies line up with the demands of what is needed to take a licking and keep on ticking during this transition?  As the clock ticks forward will we get to step back a little to steal some long-lost moments.  That’s the funny thing about life, you never know.  You never know what the day will bring.  You make your plans, you state your to-do’s, your bucket list of things that you swear one day you will do.  But will you?  Will you actually….follow through?  What would it look like to do what you say you would do?  What words have not been spoken, that  should have been long before a loved one passed?  Words of love, or simply recognizing someone’s worth.  Have we really been so busy in our planning, we missed something?  Is it really that important that one is right and pointing out the other is wrong?  When did feeling more important than another supersede a real relationship?  Was it really that vital that the need to be right overshadowed the need to love?  I think not.  These are time stealers!  They not only take away from what could be a wonderful union, but often rip away the very core of a relationship.  Not only in marriage, but parent-child relationships, friendships, etc.… 

Each day is a given, and to allow anything to rob such a gift by brain stories as I call them is a crime.  These are the assumptions, and story-telling our thoughts hover around when we feel rejected, ignored, abandoned, or misunderstood.  They take place in the board room meetings of corporations, school rooms of instruction, living rooms of over-scheduling families, and church pews of busy ministers.  Life is so fleeting….

James 4:14 (The Message) And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.”

Taking moments to recognize what is truly important at that moment is what brings meaning to the life and lives around you.  Some of the most profound moments I can remember is when our children were younger and we had hiked a 600-ft. waterfall.  The kids sat on the edge as we stood there experiencing the flow of freezing waters brush over us after walking in the grueling summer heat.  It was incredible!  The sounds of bubbling brooks flowing past our tent as we lay there staring up at the stars in complete awe…too many to count.  Other times were just completely losing it in hysterics in a grocery store as hubby grabbed his stomach mimicking a birth in pain after eating too much.  We laughed so hard couldn’t catch our breath as shoppers stared at us in disbelief.  There were moments with the kids in travel as they flung crayons across the front seat from their make-shift sling shot or sticking a smelly foot between us and asking, “Why does my foot smell like mustard?”  Then there is the time when our youngest girl discovered in awe a butterfly land on her and stay for what seemed like an hour as she watched its majestic wings open and close.  The military graduation, high school graduation, Fire Fighter graduation, birth of grandchildren, the first laugh, the first cry, the first steps, of our children were monumental and will never ever be forgotten.  Nor that moment when your toddler grabs your cheeks with their sticky fingers and says, “I love you mommy.”  The time we sat all night with candles lit in a snow storm power outage with our family and just talked. One evening we threw a blanket on the ground in our backyard and grabbed our kids and just laid there and stared into the sky.  Often times sitting in a kiddie pool to cool off with our tots or just by ourselves.  I think of the times we stayed up all night to watch meteor showers with our kids with lawn chairs, radio, BBQ and all on the sidewalk just waiting for the grand entrance of natures phenomenon as neighbors thought we were crazed…. You think we were thinking of when the water bill was due, or how well we had made our floors shine?  Or is there jelly still stuck on the table?  Has anyone switched out the laundry?  

There was this time when my husband and I lay at a campsite while kids sleeping and talked about our dreams to live in a villa somewhere in Greece.  We planned our entire abode with a wood-shop for him, and a small writing room for me attached to my little café with a library of books for my fellow coffee drinkers to enjoy in an unforgettable ambiance.

We had many plans moving back to Texas, and here we are nearly six years later, and have yet to take that trip.  We were robbed of time when my husband was thrust into working nights, which spiraled down a whole new set of problems.  Our family became distant.  We lost touch with one another.  Our kids grew up rapidly!  The need for togetherness became unnatural.  How?  How does this happen?  We waste time on what we fail to see is important.  That’s how.  Every life needs balance.  Rest is a major.  I failed to see that for too many years and now I am paying for it dearly!  We don’t make sound decisions when we are exhausted, hurried, or frazzled.  This often leaves undesirable consequences, unbridled emotions, and poor relating habits.  Busyness takes up residence in every area.  And if we stay too busy we miss something really special.

We don’t necessarily get the chance to do it all over again.  The day is gone, the night comes, morning sets in, and we’re off again.  Another day down and how many more will you have to go?  How much more time will you have to make a difference, be the difference, love the different, and differently do things?  

I realized in watching “This is Us” that our reality isn’t much different than many others out there.  Instead of mourning what we don’t have, or what we lost, we need to embrace who we are and accept “This is Us” with all its flaws, good, bad, and ugly at times…and that God loves “us” no matter what… and takes care of “us” by giving this incredible gift of life to celebrate in every area no matter what we are doing, whether it is work, play, worship, visiting with someone, or eating dinner together or apart.  

I know our life together isn’t movie screen worthy or picture perfect…but we have been “us” for a little over twenty years.  We have laughed insanely at some of the most ridiculous things.  We have also cried an ocean together over horrific situations.  “Us” has experienced some GREAT heights and low “Lows”.  We have feared together, prayer together, and fought at Memorex levels together.  But I wouldn’t trade it for the world and all it has to offer!  I am glad that “This is Us”.  

I know that at the end of the day, there is no other family, other experience that would have made this one so customizable crazy and full of LIFE.  “This is Us” isn’t just some show that pauses for a season…we won’t always know the outcome, and we can’t change the channel to avoid the mistakes.  

However, we can consume the moments with a perspective that will bring “Us” closer to our God-given purpose and perhaps our own fairy tale ending some day and embrace the fact that we have that choice.  What will your story look like in the end?  Will it be full of regrets?  Will your "I" want supersede "Us" needs?  Will your purpose be "ME" planned or "GOD PLANNED"?  You don't have to wait to tune in tomorrow....TUNE IN TODAY...by tuning out all the distractions that prevent you from being "US".  You have that God-given choice.  He planned out your story...now LIVE it!