FORGIVE ‘TIL IT HURTS – PART 5
-Brenda Graff
RE-CAP OF PART 4
-JOSEPH TEMPTED
-STANDING FIRM
-UNJUST CONSEQUENCES
-TRAMPLING TEMPTATION
GOOD GRIEF
Grief defined by www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary
1 obsolete: grievance
2 deep and
poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement, a cause of such suffering
3 an unfortunate
outcome: disaster — mishap, misadventure: trouble, annoyance
I don’t believe anyone wants to experience grief. Yet, we all at some point in our life
will. Grief isn’t only defining the loss
of a loved one. Grief is experienced in
many other areas such as job loss, friendships broken, a severed marriage, material
loss…i.e. losing a home. It could be the
loss of your character. Maybe someone
has cruelly spread rumors about you, and you feel you have no way to redeem
yourself. Grief can be the loss of communication in a
relationship you once cherished. It
takes on many forms, sizes, and colors.
It does not discriminate on the rich or poor, nor the righteous or
unrighteous.
Matthew 5:44-45
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who
persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes
his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and
the unrighteous.
We have no promise that living a life dedicated to
righteousness will always bring a life of rightness! Life isn’t fair. I don’t care what the television preachers
shout. It simply is misleading to tell
someone that if they give their life in dedication to doing the right thing,
that karma will gladly repay. NOPE! I don’t care if you wear a hundred-pound
crystal on your neck and chant fifty times a day or tithe your last dime. You’re not going to acquire good luck, total material richness,
or even saneness! It’s a hoax! If you are sitting in a pew where a pastor is
preaching a perfect life upon accepting Jesus as your Savior, you better run
like Forest Gump... as far away as you can!
There is NOTHING Biblically correct about that.
Now I admit there are a few folks in my life that seem to
have the perfect, all-put-together, nothing-ever-goes-wrong, always-smiling,
we-got-it-going on, don’t-you-wish-your-girlfriend-was-hot-like-me?
Don’t-you-wish-you-looked-like-me? Don’t-you-wish-you-were-rich-like-me?
I have to constantly remind myself, I
only see the superficial part of that person’s life.
It’s like Facebook. You only get a shallow glimpse of a person’s
posting.
Most people are not going to
post that their life sucks! Of course,
you do have a few that use it like a diary and will vomit every possible
negative, and destructive thought for the whole world to read on social
media. I admit I have at one time or
another said more then I should have. Lord,
knows I am doing my best to refrain from that negative behavior. But, I have a tendency to always say too much. I don’t like hiding behind veils anymore,
it’s just too exhausting trying to be something I’m not. And I have also found putting on a persona of
perfection causes others around you to stumble, and utterly quit trying to
improve their lives or even grow in Christ.
They may feel they can’t keep up or will never achieve the level in
which they believe you are living on.
I’ve literally had some come up to me and say, “Brenda…I wish I could be
just like you…your so committed to your beliefs, and your faith is off the
chart…” My response to that is: “No you
DON’T!”. No one knows what it has cost
me, the pain, the ridicule, even at times the undeserved shame, the loss of
relationships, family, and friends. It
has cost me an ocean of tears, and many seasons single-handedly serving Christ
abandoned by the very ones I thought would be with me. Not to mention the incredible grief at times
that only God could get me through.
Faith is a choice, and it is something that has to be
developed. You can’t know faith when you
haven’t known doubt. And you can’t know
doubt, unless you’ve experience the unknown.
And experiencing the unknown that leads to faith, takes a knowing God
who can faithfully, and lovingly lead you through those grief-stricken, ground
splitting seasons. Isaiah
42:16
You don’t know what lies ahead. Just because you are a ‘good person’, doesn’t
mean that life will always be good.
Ecc 9:1 — For all this I considered in my heart even to
declare all this, that the righteous, and the wise, and their works, are in the
hand of God: no man knoweth either love or hatred by all that is before them.
I know we are studying on Joseph, but I have to step back in
history a little and take you back to when Jacob, and Esau were hashing it
out. After all they are a very important
part of the lineage.
There is a scene in which Isaac, Jacob and Esau’s father is
believing he will soon pass away. His
eyesight is poor, and his health was failing.
Isaac calls on Esau, who was a great hunter to catch him his favorite feast
and prepare accordingly, and then he would give him his final blessing.
Now mother Rebekah didn’t take too kindly to this, and
strategized the blessing to be handed to Jacob instead.
5 Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau.
When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, 6 Rebekah
said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau,
7 ‘Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give
you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.’ 8 Now, my son,
listen carefully and do what I tell you: 9 Go out to the flock and bring me two
choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the
way he likes it. 10 Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you
his blessing before he dies.”
Jacob was concerned that his father would know the
difference despite his failing sight, since his brother was a burly, hairy,
man, and Jacob’s skin was smooth. Let’s
just say, Esau was your typical roughneck enjoying the outdoors, while Jacob
clung to mamma’s apron strings in the kitchen.
However, he did as exactly mamma instructed and pulled it off. The tragic part of this is that Esau walked in on this
procession and realized the ugly truth of what had just taken place. Genesis
27:11-29
He was devastated. He
cried.
When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud
and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too, my father!”
Can you imagine how Esau must have felt? Let’s say you’re in a pie baking contest to
win the Blue Ribbon award, or better a chance to appear on the Food
Network. You slave for months to perfect
the recipe, ensuring a win, and here comes along some chump who not only claims
your prize, but didn’t do anything to earn it.
The worst part is the judges believe the chump! Wouldn’t you just be sick?
Oh the injustice of it all!
It was heart-breaking. Jacob had
already gotten one on him before by practically forcing him to give up his
birthright for a bowl of soup.
Genesis 25:29-34
Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the
field, and he was exhausted. 30 And Esau said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of
that red stew, for I am exhausted!” (Therefore his name was called Edom. 31
Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright now.” 32 Esau said, “I am about to die; of
what use is a birthright to me?” 33 Jacob said, “Swear to me now.” So he swore
to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil
stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his
birthright.
Life is not fair my friend.
Not in the least.
Further down the road in Genesis
27:41 he was plotting to kill him.
Mamma Rebekah wasn’t having that.
So she sent Jacob away in which leads him to 7 and then some years of
experiencing the unfairness of life as well.
Jacob was in love with the daughter of Laban, Rachel, she
was considered absolutely gorgeous. He wanted her so bad he was willing to work
for 7 years to earn her as his wife.
Genesis 29:20-26
So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed
like only a few days to him because of his love for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my
wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.” 22 So Laban brought together all the people
of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter
Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her. 24 And Laban gave
his servant Zilpah to his daughter as her attendant. 25 When morning came, there was Leah! So
Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for
Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”
Imagine that! Sounds
like someone had done a little too much toasting the night before. He was mortified! Can you imagine the disappointment, the utter
surprise and let down? It would be like
Cinderella waiting for that magic kiss from Prince Charming, with perked lips
leaning in to discover an ogre, Shrek!
Yikes!
Leah was common looking
according to scripture. She just didn’t
do it for Jacob…like some men, they are visual, and often superficial not
realizing what lies beneath the surface of beauty. Nonetheless, he was stuck now! He was furious!
26 Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the
younger daughter in marriage before the older one.
Jacob was forced to work another 7 years to finally have Rachael. The years of the marriage
between the two women were stressful, and became a struggle of competitions
between a barren womb and an abundance of children being birthed by Leah. Rachael (Sleeping Beauty) became horribly
jealous of her sister Leah.
Genesis 30:1
When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children,
she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or
I’ll die!”
Jacob got to see the demanding part of this women he once
cherished. It wasn’t pretty. Her outward beauty was not so becoming
anymore. And poor Leah, and sadly, after each child she birthed,
she would comment, “Now Jacob will surely love me”.
Vs. 19-20
Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. 20 Then
Leah said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband
will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun.
So Jacob was not treating Leah with honor? How sad.
Can you imagine the grief of being forced to living with
someone who never wanted or loved you in the first place? She said, what many women have said in bad
relationships…. “Oh, I’ll just get pregnant and he will want to stay with me.” This old trick didn’t just come about in our
20th Century. It’s been
around for thousands of years. It’s
called entrapment. We are talking about a grief that would last for many years
to come. Generations! How unfair can life get? Poor Leah, poor Rachael. Poor Jacob!
He’s stuck, Leah’s stuck, and Rachael is not a happy camper!
Do you feel like life has been unfair to you?
Have you ever questioned God as to what he is doing? I know I have. Why not?
Why not be honest with God? Do
you honestly think he doesn’t already know your inward doubt, and grief over
your circumstances? He’s sees, Genesis 16:13
He hears, Psalm 34:17, 1 John 5:14, He feels, Psalm 103:13
, Peter
5:7
What do you do when it hurts so bad? The natural thing to do is retreat, hide, place
yourself deep in a ditch where no one can find you. Some completely avoid relationships. “Why bother, just going to get hurt again?”
“Right?” It’s difficult to deal with
grief. But you have to.
Grief is a
natural response to a loss, and when someone unnaturally stuffs it away,
avoiding to experience it, it causes a caustic mess! That loss needs to be established,
experienced, and eventually eliminated.
Not that the loss will ever be forgotten, just not allowed to lead your
life. It’s hard to suffer loss, NO…it’s
excruciating!
It’s difficult suffering
loss due to our own mistakes, but is so much more challenging when we endure
grief and suffer in innocence. In other
words, it’s bad enough to suffer but when we suffer when we have done nothing
wrong or for being persecuted for doing the Lord’s will; that makes it harder
to take.
To God though it “is a gracious thing” for Jesus Christ
being totally innocent, suffered for our sake.
He Who was sinless took our sins…He Who was faultless paid for our
faults…He Who was just... suffered for the unjust.
I Peter 2:19
“For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures grief while
suffering unjustly.”
It’s not fair, it wasn’t fair for Leah to suffer all those
years of rejection and being forced into a loveless marriage in a constant
state of insecurity wondering if she would birth enough children to grab
Jacob’s attention. It wasn’t fair that Rachael was almost completely barren and feared not being able to give her
husband children... worried he would draw closer to Leah. It wasn’t fair that Jacob worked all those
years to be forced into a marriage he never wanted. It wasn’t fair that Esau lost his blessing to
Jacob. Nor was it fair for Jacob to feel
like he had to pretend to be Esau to gain a blessing. Life’s not fair!
Listen to what the Apostle Paul had to say about fairness.
Romans 9:18-21
Therefore, God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and
he hardens whom he wants to harden. 19
One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who is able
to resist his will?” 20 But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God?
“Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like
this?’ 21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of
clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?
But don’t we have the right to ask God: “Why did you make me
so I would get cancer or suffer a stroke? Why wasn’t I a clay pot with a
different design?” Paul refused to directly answer “Why?” He defended God’s
wisdom and justice.
Paul wrote: “Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and
knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing
out!” (Romans 11:33).
Paul insisted that no matter what our suffering, we must
accept that God is wise, merciful and just. God allows human suffering because
he is God. God is so great, his thoughts so far above ours, that inferior human
logic does not apply to his actions.
There isn’t always a clear why to suffering. It’s really the
wrong question to ask. A specific why refers back to something that we can’t
change. We must look forward by asking: What purpose is there to life, unfair
as it may seem? What future does God have beyond this life of suffering? God is not an advocate of suffering for its
own sake. In fact, He hates it!
More than 2,500 years ago, the prophet Jeremiah surveyed the
carnage of the city of Jerusalem, sacked by the Babylonians. Inside the
besieged city, starving mothers had eaten their deceased children. Jeremiah looked
past the suffering of a sinful and dying generation to a future with hope. “Men
are not cast off by the Lord forever,” he said (Lamentations 3:31). “Though he
brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he
does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men” (verses
32-33).
But it was in Jesus Christ that God showed his attitude
toward human suffering. He once and for all demonstrated he does care by
sending his own Son to this earth. Jesus lived, agonized and died by the rules
of life, the same ones we live and suffer by. It was actually God in the flesh
who came to suffer with us. It was the greatest example of God’s love possible.
Jesus Christ himself said it: “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay
down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). In less than 24 hours
after saying this, Jesus gave his life for all the world. He suffered and died
for human beings, to take away their sins and open up deliverance for those who
would believe. The sacrifice of Jesus Christ exemplified love. John expressed
it movingly: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John
3:16).
In the crucifixion, God put to rest for all time any idea
that he doesn’t care about us during our suffering. In the future resurrection
of the righteous, God will give them immortal bodies and make their lives
suffering-free. The tortured, the cancer victims, the unloved, the paraplegics,
the lost and lonely — everyone who has suffered and is suffering — will suffer
no more. God will swallow up suffering
and death in the victory of eternal life. He will be the God who cares, who is
seen, who is fair. Then, God will be known to all humanity. He will act as
healer and life-giver, the one who does not take pleasure in human suffering. In that new world, described in the final
chapters of the Bible’s last book, Revelation, God will dwell with his people. Revelation
21:4 tells us: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no
more death, mourning, crying, or pain…for the old order of things has passed
away”.
The question we need to ask in our grief is this. “How does God want to use our pain?” Can this grief do some good for His glory,
for mankind, for those that are also suffering?
Pain has a way of changing someone. It often humbles someone who in turn has more
compassion for those who have suffered the same. It draws you to the conclusion that you are
certainly not in control. God is. It brings out what has been hidden in the
heart. It shows your true colors.
Pain removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul. ~ C.S. Lewis
It often grows a person of faith to greater faith from glory
to glory, through each painful stepping stone up that mountain of misery.
I am certain that I never did grow in grace one-half so much anywhere as I have upon the bed of pain. ~ Charles Spurgeon
Grief is no good... if it is not used as a conduit of
connection with this hurting world. It
is not useful, if it is left unwrapped. 2
Corinthians 1:3-5
Many people believe that they have nothing to offer another
living soul while they are suffering themselves. Some may feel too heavy hearted to even think
about trying to comfort anyone. Yet, it
is often in the act of moving to this action that can began to heal the very
pain you are experiencing. If physical
pain, it often releases the endorphin that help to minimize painful
flare-ups. If emotional pain, the act of
generosity, mercy, and love can cause an overflow of passion that supersedes
your immediate perspective of your pain.
And this can lead to internal healing, and sometimes believe it or not…a
physical healing. Yet, if you are
someone who is experiencing an overload of sorrow, and have become hopeless, or
can’t get out of your pit of pain, get in contact with a Christian counselor,
minister, and sort through the grief.
Deal with it, so you can heal, and use that grief for the good.
Your pain often reveals God’s purpose for you. God never wastes a hurt! If you’ve gone through a hurt, he wants you to help other people going through that same hurt. He wants you to share it. God can use the problems in your life to give you a ministry to others. In fact, the very thing you’re most ashamed of in your life and resent the most could become your greatest ministry in helping other people. Who can better help somebody going through a bankruptcy than somebody who went through a bankruptcy? Who can better help somebody struggling with an addiction than somebody who’s struggled with an addiction? Who can better help a parent of a special needs child than parents who raised a special needs child? Who can better help somebody who’s lost a child than somebody who lost a child? The very thing you hate the most in your life is what God wants to use for good in your life. -Daily Hope with Rick Warren
So now what to do? Get up, grab your grief, and go forward! ESTABLISH it (own it), EXPERIENCE it (deal
with it, i.e. counseling, cry, break a dish, whatever it takes-GET IT OUT!),
and ELIMINATE it (don’t allow it to rule your thoughts-causing deep depression,
inactivity, and chronic sorrow). Go through the steps necessary to work through it with the help of someone who can encourage you, help and develop you through God's grace.
Good grief - Life is unfair! But
grief can bring good when used for God’s glory.
-To be continued
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