Abandoning Your Anger
Angry anyone? Surely,
everyone has experienced this emotion.
If you’re one that hasn’t, then all I can say is that you have either
been drug induced your whole life, or you are Jesus…Nope not even Jesus escaped
that emotion. (Mark 11:15, John 2:15-17,
Psalm 2:12)
Let’s be honest. We
have had angry scenes in our life that make the movie “Exorcist” even seem
G-rated with the words flying, head spinning, and venom spewing forth. I don’t care how Christian you may be, if you
have teenagers you are going to get angry and more often than not. If you drive
anywhere with all the road-ragers, texters, and rude drivers…. you’re going to
get angry. If your married there are
going to be moments that are not only going to make your head spin but words,
the size of a Suburban will want to flow out like a fire breathing dragon. If you shop at a grocery store, sit in a
lengthy line at a drive-thru while children are arguing in backseat, or have to hold online for technical support…you just might get angry.
I researched the meaning of anger through a few sources.
Merriam-Webster dictionary describes it as:
A strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of
something wrong or bad: the feeling that makes someone want to hurt other
people, to shout, etc.: the feeling of being angry: a strong feeling of displeasure and usually
of antagonism: rage
Being upset, annoyed?
What are some things you can think of that would upset or annoy
you? I can think of a few off the top of
my head. My absolute pet peeve these
days are folks who have their heads buried in their phones while
driving, walking across a roadway, and or shopping to the point they unjustly
hold up others trying to pass thru or check out in a grocery line. I just can't imagine what is so important that someone has to be on their phone at the risk or inconvenience of others. I don't care if the President just sent you a personal text or Tweet, GET OFF YOUR PHONE, or PLEASE I BEG at least GET OUT OF THE WAY!
It genuinely makes me want to snatch up their
cell phone and like Tyler Perry's, MADEA
and stomp it into the pavement.
It’s rude, it wastes my time, and quite
frankly is dangerous.
I witnessed the
other day, someone after pushing the cross-walk button to cross a high traffic
roadway…not once look up for oncoming traffic and was almost hosed down.
I’ve witnessed in the grocery store a mom so
focused on social media it superseded the safety of her toddler about to plunge
head first to the floor. And don’t get
me started about the deaths associated with texting and driving.
I’ve personally had to play dodge ball with
all these media minded who refused to put their phones down while heading head
on in my lane at times. Yes, it upsets
me, especially if I have one of my children in my vehicle. The thought of someone so carelessly treating
life so casually enrages me. I admit. It makes me more than mad. It makes me ANGRY! I suppose that makes me less of a
Christian? Maybe it means I am
uncouth? Or does it mean that I am only
human? Is being upset really that bad?
Well, let’s examine anger, break it down through the Hebrew
and Greek definitions:
In Hebrew:
"anger":
'aph af- the nose or nostril; hence, the face, and
occasionally a person; also (from the rapid breathing in passion) ire:
--anger(-gry),
Okay so your nostrils flare a little bit. I don’t think I have ever read anywhere in
the Bible that a flaring nostril was a sin.
As a matter of fact, it was a side effect of anger as explained in this
passage from David (the Lord’s servant, who spoke these words after God
delivered him from the power of all his enemies and from Saul.
Psalm 18:3-15
Because he is praiseworthy, I cried out to the LORD, and I
was saved from my enemies. 4 Death's cords were wrapped around me; rivers of
wickedness terrified me. 5 The cords of the grave surrounded me; death's traps
held me tight. 6 In my distress I cried out to the LORD; I called to my God for
help. God heard my voice from his temple; I called to him for help, and my call
reached his ears. 7 The earth rocked and shook; the bases of the mountains
trembled and reeled because of God's anger. 8 Smoke went up from God's
nostrils; out of his mouth came a devouring fire; flaming coals blazed out in
front of him! 9 God parted the skies and came down; thick darkness was beneath
his feet. 10 God mounted the heavenly creatures and flew; he soared on the
wings of the wind. 11 God made darkness cloak him; his covering was dark water
and dense cloud. 12 God's clouds went ahead of the brightness before him; hail
and coals of fire went too. 13 The LORD thundered in heaven; the Most High made
his voice heard with hail and coals of fire. 14 God shot his arrows, scattering
the enemy; he sent the lightning and threw them into confusion. 15 The seabeds
were exposed; the earth's foundations were laid bare at your rebuke, LORD, at
the angry blast of air coming from your nostrils.
So God had flaring nostrils?
So this isn’t just a humanly thing?
Interesting fact, which makes you realize all the more the
characteristics of how man was made in God’s image. However, if your nostrils are flaring
constantly, then you are experiencing an intake of air at a much higher rate
while heart rate increases, which can then lead to some health issues.
I’ve often watched my youngest son while playing video
games, huff and puff…. with nostrils flaring get out hand. I’ve had to shut it down for fear he’d stroke
out. He’s much too competitive.
'arek aw-rake'- long (-suffering
I believe that anger is to suffer. Especially, when it is anger that last almost
a life-time, i.e. unforgiveness that is buried so deep it would take a
high-powered drilling machine to excavate it out. Anger that sits will fester, causing undo
illness that affect the brain, heart, stomach, and joints. It causes a chemical imbalance that is surely
to lead to undesired results.
garah gaw- to grate, i.e. (figuratively), meddle, stir up,
strive.
Anger will cause someone to stir up strife. When someone is angry, our natural instinct
is to find others that will accommodate and agree with our analogy of our
ailment. This you see often done on
FaceBook or Twitter. These sites have
been used to catapult strife worldwide.
hagah daw-gaw'- to murmur (in pleasure or anger); by
implication, to ponder: --imagine, meditate, mourn, mutter, roar
I really thought about this definition about pondering,
imagining, meditating, mourning, muttering, and roaring. Have you ever noticed that the longer you
think about what you are angry about, the more imaginations grow to monstrous
proportions? Really think about
this. Perhaps your walking in a building
and some distracted individual nearly knocks you over. Your knee-jerk reaction of course is to say
something like, “Hey! Excuse me?” and
they don’t even apologize…before you have made back to your vehicle your
nostrils are flaring, as you envision this individual getting away with the
rudeness. You begin driving in traffic
as drivers are cutting in and out of lanes, and not signaling on turns. Your mind is focused so strongly on that
basic bully that you are now seeing everyone as rude, selfish, and
inconsiderate. So you begin driving
imitating the bad driving habits, muttering, and roaring through your sealed
windshield where NO ONE can hear you shouting profanities, or threats. Then last but not least as you lay your head
to rest at night, you mourn your behavior, regret allowing that individual to
ruin your thoughts the rest of the day.
zal`aphah zal-aw-faw' or ziliaphaph {zil-aw-faw'}- a glow
(of wind or anger); also a famine (as consuming): --horrible, horror, terrible.
Anger is all consuming.
It will eat your lunch! It can
rob you of a lifetime of joy, good health, great relationships, blessings, and
peace if you don’t let it go.
chemah khay-maw' or {khay-maw'}- heat; figuratively, poison
(from its fever): --anger, bottles, hot displeasure, rage, wrath (- ful).
Anger can be poisonous if bottled up, it can cause
outrage. We see it every day on the
news. People are dying all over our
world senseless deaths due to this poison that is being spoon-fed by the
truck-loads into the mouths of society through social media and the news.
The Greek definitions were much shorter:
"anger":
embrimaomai em-brim-ah'-om-ahee- and brimaomai (to snort
with anger); to have indignation on, i.e. (transitively) to blame.
erethizo er-eth-id'-zo- to stimulate (especially to anger):
--provoke.
Here we are again with the nostril problem, except this one
with noise…snorting like a sow.
Anger can cause a blaming session that will last a century,
i.e. “I am the way I am because of what so-and- so did to me”. Refusing to take responsibility for your
behavior based on someone else’s actions or non-action is belligerence marked
heavily with ignorance. I don’t care if
you grew up abused, beaten, and abandoned… And trust me I don’t say these words
lightly, I have experience all of the above and then some at some point in my life or another and many others have too…NO ONE has the right
to blame anyone for their inability to change or control their actions. The ignorant part is that our youth today
especially live as if the world owes them something. People in our generation are becoming more
violent, aggressive, and demanding. This
has once again led to senseless lives ending up in prison, or in caskets. Lives cut short because so-and-so did such-and-such.
Chronic unmanaged anger can provoke more serious ongoing
issues in relationships. Often anger
turns into resentment which then causes a numbing factor. Spouses no longer interact physically or
emotionally. Children become isolated,
refusing to interact with the real world, choosing social media as an
outlet. Some parents suffering from
long-term resentment towards their wayward child eventually give up, shut down,
refuse to feel anything more than contempt.
Yet, at the same time saturated with the gut-wrenching sensation of guilt
for failing them.
In searching the scriptures, I have found these relevant
verses on anger:
James 1:19 - Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man
be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
What would it look like to really think about what we were
going to say before angry words were fired off?
We often, load our minds with a round of verbiage within seconds like a
pistol is loaded with bullets ready to pull the trigger at the instant someone
steps on our toes. We must take time to
respond. In this day and age, words can
mean life or death literally to the postal person you speak to. Think about that. Look at the response of
road rage that lives have been lost in.
Sometimes, we are so consumed in our anger, we aren’t hearing what is
being said. The words become fragmented
and distorted which directs our anger into deeper depths of disparity.
Take time to listen.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 - Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry:
for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.
Again, in anger we can choose to react quickly as the fools
do, or think about it, step back, and breathe a moment. Being foolish doesn’t free anyone from the
anguish anger can cause.
Ephesians 4:26 - Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun
go down upon your wrath:
Who can ever sleep good when anger weighs like a boulder on
your chest? God never said, never be
angry…what He said, was sin not! What
part of anger causes sin? There isn’t
enough paper and ink in the world for me to describe, but here are a few:
abuse: Colossians 3:19, Psalm 11:5, Hebrews 13:3
adultery: Matthew 5:32, Luke 16:18, Proverbs 6:32, Mark
10:11-12
contention: 1 Peter 3:7, Titus 3:9, Proverbs 18:19,
Proverbs 13:10
cursing: Psalms 59:12, James 1:26 & 3:10, Ephesians
4:29, Luke 6:45,
Matthew 12:36-37
favoritism: James 2: 1-13, Romans 2:11, Galatians 3:28,
Ephesians 6:9
greed: 2 Timothy 3:1-8, Colossians 3:5, Luke 12:15,
Proverbs 1:19
jealousy: Galatians 5:19-21, Proverbs 27:4, Exodus 20:17,
James 3:16
judging: Luke 6:37, Matthew 7:1-5, James 4:11-12, Ephesians
4:29
lying: Proverbs 6:16-19 & 12:22, 19:9, Psalms 101:7,
Exodus 20:16
malice: Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:6-10, Titus 3:2-6,
Proverbs 26:25-26,
1 Peter 2:1
murder: Exodus 20:13, Matthew 5:21-26, Romans 12:19,
Revelation 21:8, 1 John 3:15
pride: Proverbs 16:5,18, James 4:6, Philippians 2:3, Romans
12:16,
resentment: Ephesians 4:32, Mark 11:25, Hebrews 12:15, Job
5:2
stealing: Exodus 20:15, Leviticus 19:11, Romans 13:9,
Matthew 19:18
The verses I attached with each sinful act barely touched
the surface. There is so much more in
depth scripture to explain each act, but that would be a whole series of books
and I’m pretty sure there are quite a few out there already.
Nonetheless, I wanted to quickly give a
run-down of some things we should be mindful of when we are angry. Even as I was writing this, I couldn’t help
but think of my own outburst this past year.
There were situations that were out of my control. A state of disaster that led me to nearly get
stuck in a state of disgust which led to some serious depression. It almost
drove me into a pit so deep I felt I couldn’t climb out.
Seeds of resentment lingered. I had to purposely plan out a course of
action to pluck the paralyzing plague of pain out of my heart, and mind. The pain of anger, resentment, bitterness,
strife, and contempt was consuming me and it took some outside help towards healing plus taking steps on my own. This meant
drowning out the noise in my head reminding me of what so-and-so did. It meant to input a more positive, and
pleasant dialogue in my thoughts.
Diving into the word of God more than not when going through
difficult times. You see, when I was
going through all this, it was difficult for me to read God’s word. I was angry with Him. Every time I picked up the Bible to read, I
felt nothing. Therefore, I figured it
useless. However, that is a farce. We should read, especially when we feel
nothing. Read out loud the passages
to our souls. We may not feel it at that
moment, but your soul is being nourished.
Whether you realize it or not, over time something will click. I began getting on bended knees to pray
again, something I had gotten away from for months. My prayers weren’t precise or
even pretty. They sounded more like a
wounded animal. I sobbed for several
minutes not able to utter any words other then, “Oh God…help me!” “Please God
take this pain away, remove this bitterness, Lord help me”. I got up, wiped my tears and went on. Did I experience an instant feeling of
gratitude and grace? NO! However, I chose to keep walking in that
forgiveness despite what I felt. I chose
to not respond to the craziness of others near or far in my relationships or even in society. I’ve saturated my mind with sermons,
scripture, and songs geared towards forgiveness. You have to lay the environmental groundwork
to grow in this area. Whether it is
setting aside a time to relax, retreat, or to relinquish your right to be
angry. Yes, I said it. Your anger may be justified by unjust people
and circumstances. However, unless you
relinquish your right to be angry, it will continue growing, gnawing, and
graduating into much more dangerous emotions that may lead to permanent
pain. As I stated earlier. Anger can lead to so many catastrophic
circumstances that destroy not only you, but those around you. I’m not saying to walk around like June or
Ward Cleaver either. You’re not going to
feel happy-go-lucky every day. That’s
okay.
Let me tell you, during one of my
angry moments, my husband and I had stopped off to have breakfast just shortly
after he had gotten home from working all night. I knew we didn’t have much time before he had
to go to bed for the rest of the day, so time was of essence. We sat and waited for several minutes before
our waitress came to take our order. She was suffering a little amnesia or maybe we were just invisible I guess and forgot we were sitting right in front of her as she passed several times. She
was whisking past us singing, and chirping like a little song bird…taking her
precious time.
Instead of enjoying her joyful display of loving life,
I became very annoyed with it. I
sarcastically said to my husband, “Sure wish I could walk around being so
slap happy”. He responds with, “Why
not?”. I retort, no snorted back, “There
isn’t enough Prozac on this planet to make me Polly-Anna after this past year!"
My attitude was awful! I wasn’t mad at her, I was mad at my
situation, mad at my husband’s choice to work nights, mad at the weather, God,
you name it. This is what anger does, if
you don’t abandon it! Kick it to the
curb. In the words of Arnold
Schwarzenegger from Terminator 2, shout …"Hasta la vista, baby."
You have to abandon the idea that people are going to treat
you fairly just because you believe they should. You have to abandon the belief that those
that treat you unjustly will come on bended knee begging for forgiveness. You have to abandon the hesitation to forgive
others who purposely hurt you. Sometimes
you have to abandon the desire to change others, it isn’t your job to change
them, it’s God’s. You have to abandon
your right to be angry.
Think of
it. When Jesus hung on the cross as He
was being pierced, crowned with thorns, spat upon, and in crucifying pain…what
was His reaction? "Father, forgive
them, for they do not know what they do." (Luke 23:34)
Jesus is looking down from the cross just after he was
crucified between two criminals. He sees the soldiers who have mocked,
scourged, and tortured him, and who have just nailed him to the cross. He
probably remembers those who have sentenced him - Caiaphas and the high priests
of the Sanhedrin. Pilate realized it was out of envy that they handed him over
(Matthew 27:18, Mark 15:10). But is Jesus not also thinking of his Apostles and
companions who have deserted him, to Peter who has denied him three times, to
the fickle crowd, who only days before praised him on his entrance to
Jerusalem, and then days later chose him over Barabbas to be crucified?
Is he also thinking of us, who daily forget him in our
lives?
Does he react angrily? No!
At the height of his most physical suffering, his love prevails and He asks
His Father to forgive!
Could there ever be greater irony? Jesus asks his Father
to forgive, but it is by His very Sacrifice on the Cross that mankind is able
to be forgiven!
Right up to his final hours on earth, Jesus speaks forgiveness.
He teaches forgiveness in the Lord's prayer: "Forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us" (Matthew 6:12). When asked by
Peter, how many times should we forgive someone, Jesus answers seventy times
seven (Matthew 18:21-22). At the Last Supper, Jesus explains his crucifixion to
his Apostles when he tells them to drink of the cup: "Drink of it, all of
you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the
forgiveness of sins" (Matthew 26:27-28).
He forgives the paralytic at
Capernaum (Mark 2:5), and the adulteress caught in the act and about to be
stoned (John 8:1-11). And even following his Resurrection, his first act is to
commission his disciples to forgive: "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive
the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are
retained" (John 20:22-23).
In other words, you can choose to stay angry, and
unforgiving, or you can abandon your right to be angry and be forgiven.
Did Jesus not have every right to be
angry? Yet, the only emotion he
exclaimed in His last dying breath was forgiveness. If anyone abandoned their right to be angry,
it was our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who so undeserving suffered for our
sake. Take a new step today and abolish
anger by abandoning yours.
Proverbs 25:28 - He that [hath] no rule over his own spirit
[is like] a city [that is] broken down, [and] without walls.
Excerpt from Forgive Til' it Hurts by Brenda Graff, soon to be released, Copyright 2016
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