FORGIVE 'TIL IT HURTS
By Brenda Graff
Forgiveness
is a touchy topic. It is a subject
that most try to
avoid probably at all cost. Why is
that?
I believe that it’s because it is
one of the most difficult acts to
proactively express.
Especially when it requires an act against every fiber of
what your truly feeling. It
takes a lot to forgive someone that has hurt you deeply. This can happen purposely, but
many times inadvertently. Not everyone sets out to cause pain. I believe that there are many of us who have
probably hurt someone unknowingly, and that individual is still brooding over it thirty-plus
years later. Yet, we are going about our
day on schedule as normal not giving it a second thought. Or on the other hand,
your walking around with this deep seeded resentment that has hindered your
present relationships, and the one who hurt you is living out their life in
complete utter happiness oblivious to the damage left behind. How do you forgive that?
I know you may be thinking it is impossible. How can you forgive someone who has
repeatedly hurt you? This could be a
child, sibling, parent, or spouse etc...
Most relationships outside of that you have an option to avoid. Unless, you're co-dependent. The only way to avoid family hurt is to move
to another country, change your name, and keep an unlisted number. But even in that, separation from family that
is causing or has caused the pain can leave unforgiveness wounds for years…that
will fester and travel with you wherever you move.
What about the people you deal with on a day to day basis?... the obnoxious co-worker who flaunts their
photos of travel and wealth while you haven’t seen a vacation in over twenty
years,
the driver in front texting... sat at a green light you’ve
been waiting on for nearly ten minutes, and as soon as you approach the light...it turns red, the inconsiderate shopper leaving cart
in center aisle on cell phone, as your waiting patiently to reach your items…the overbearing boss who believes he holds the very
essence of your livelihood in his hands…what about the folks who quickly throw stones at you without recognizing the bruises they should
have received from the boulders that should have knocked them to the ground for their sins. Forgiveness whether for family, friends, or
the very society we live in HURTS!
Just ask Joseph: (The
one with the coat of many colors)
Joseph faced incredible difficulty in the process of
forgiveness. The journey he went through
led him to places, people, and into pain he never imagined he would experience.
“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in
our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his
megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” ― C.S.
Lewis
Genesis 37:1
Jacob lived in the land where his father had stayed, the land
of Canaan.
You must read the family line of Joseph to get the full
picture of Joseph’s position in his family.
Joseph was sort of what some would consider an arrogant young man. In which I believe the parents and probably a
few favorite Aunts and Uncles contributed to.
Genesis 37:2
Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with
his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives,
and he brought their father a bad report about them. 3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his
other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an
ornate robe for him. 4 When his brothers saw that their father loved him more
than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.
His brothers had developed jealousy. And jealousy can lead to some very dangerous deeds. It can cause an avalanche of destruction
within a home, marriage, between siblings, co-workers, and even in
society. All you have to do is turn on
the news and within seconds you will hear of someone losing their life or on
their way to jail over jealousy.
HEBREW DEFINITION: JEALOUS
qana' kaw-naw' to be (causatively, make) zealous, i.e. (in a
bad sense) jealous or envious: be (move to, provoke to).
Did you catch that (move to, provoke to)? How often have you found yourself in a
position in which you were moved to act in a way that was motivated by
jealousy? Did you regret your reaction? How did it affect the person you acted
on? How did it affect you?
GREEK
ophthalmos of-thal-mos' from; the eye (literally or
figuratively); vision; figuratively, envy (from the jealous side-glance).
Have you ever become jealous at a glance? What I mean is, it is really easy to look on
the outside of another life and think that there is something you’re
missing. They seem to have the great
job, great relationship, great kids, etc.…and you find yourself not only
envying, but wishing a comet would come down and blast their perfect
world. You just want to slap the happy
off their faces. Harsh words... But, truth for many.
Genesis 37:5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his
brothers, they hated him all the more. 6 He said to them, “Listen to this dream
I had: 7 We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my
sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed
down to it.”
“Nana-nana Boo-boo, I’m better then you”, Joseph proclaimed.
You must have known that had to get his siblings blood
boiling. I’ve got six siblings. I
remember growing up and dealing with this. And I wasn’t always on the receiving end of
it. I had my arrogant part too at
times. And sadly, even to this day there
are relationships broken over it.
Despite the crucifixion under conviction with Jesus in my life. Some things just won’t mend until the recipient
can let it go and forgive.
Genesis 37:8 His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to
reign over us? Will you actually rule us?” And they hated him all the more
because of his dream and what he had said.
Can you feel the tension in that room so thick you could cut
it with a chainsaw?
Geneses 37:9 Then he had another dream, and he told it to his
brothers. “Listen,” he said, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and
moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.”
Joseph, Boy! You are
already walking on very thin ice. Watch your words. Just imagine what his brothers must have been feeling. They probably wanted to shank him right then
and there. Every fiber of their being
was trying not to choke the cloak off him.
The audacity of it all.
Genesis 37:10 When he told his father as well as his
brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will
your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground
before you?”
What would your reaction be if your child came to you and
said, “You’re going to bow down to me?”
I know, I would have to put myself in a strait jacket and
time-out before ending up shipping mine off to a military boot camp or ending
up in jail. ‘Spare the rod…Spare the
rod’.
But Joseph’s father handled it by keeping it in mind. Which meant that he was examining the
situation. Was Joseph being haughty? Or
was he prophesying the truth?
Genesis 37:11 His brothers were jealous of him, but his
father kept the matter in mind.
His father was keenly aware of the situation, and probably I’m
guessing…worried about Joseph’s welfare.
I’m almost certain Pop was under a lot of pressure thinking about how
his favoritism caused such dissension between the boys.
_______________
I used to love to re-arrange my living room at least once a
month. Sometimes it would be two times a
month. My husband would joke that if he
were blind, he’d have a stubbed toe every day of the week. I was obsessive about change. I love creating new environments. I would set out with excitement and imaging
how the room would look a certain way.
As I poured my morning coffee, and put on my music for motivation, my
joy would quickly fade within an inch of first item moved. I would often find dust bunnies the size of a sabre-tooth, and solidified socks that had been missing for months.
Pulling back the furniture over it wasn’t an
option. I was going to have to get the
broom and dustpan and sweep the mess out.
Sometimes, having to scare it out. Not knowing what live thing was growing in the mound of mess.
In frustration, I would find that with almost
every piece of furniture there were ugly surprises waiting for me. Some too disgusting to mention here. I’m sure you get the picture. Let’s just say, it could definitely have been
used in a science lab.
Sweeping up the mess in Joseph’s dilemma wasn’t going to be
that easy.
Genesis 37:12 Now his brothers had gone to graze their
father’s flocks near Shechem, 13 and Israel said to Joseph, “As you know, your
brothers are grazing the flocks near Shechem. Come, I am going to send you to
them.”
“Very well,” he replied.
Jealousy breeds contempt.
It can cause a cataclysmic life not only within yourself but to those
you are in relation with. This would
include folks you randomly deal with on a daily basis.
Genesis 37:14 So he said to him, “Go and see if all is well
with your brothers and with the flocks, and bring word back to me.” Then he
sent him off from the Valley of Hebron.
When Joseph arrived at Shechem, 15 a man found him wandering
around in the fields and asked him, “What are you looking for?” 16 He replied, “I’m looking for my brothers.
Can you tell me where they are grazing their flocks?” 17 “They have moved on
from here,” the man answered. “I heard them say, ‘Let’s go to Dothan.” So
Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. 18 But they saw him
in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.
Jealousy kills. It not
only kills relationships, it can kill the soul.
It has been medically proven that jealousy can also bring about disease
that can lead to death. Worry, jealousy,
moodiness linked to higher risk of Alzheimer's in women, study found in October
1, 2014, through the American Academy of Neurology (AAN), according to a nearly
40-year-long study.
19 “Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. 20
“Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that
a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.” 21
When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. “Let’s not
take his life,” he said. 22 “Don’t shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern
here in the wilderness, but don’t lay a hand on him.” Reuben said this to
rescue him from them and take him back to his father. 23 So when Joseph came to his brothers, they
stripped him of his robe—the ornate robe he was wearing 24 and they took him
and threw him into the cistern. The cistern was empty; there was no water in
it. 25 As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw
a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with
spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt.
Can you just imagine how Joseph was feeling right about
now? Here he is stripped of his precious
coat of many colors, and something that was probably dear to his heart since
made by his father.
He is then thrown in the well with no way of escape as his
brothers sit down to eat their lunch. That's pretty cold.
I’m sure when he woke up that morning he wasn’t expecting for his life
to come to a tragic end. He had no idea
his brothers were plotting evil against him.
He probably was skipping along the fields cheerfully as he was going out
to meet them. Joseph had no clue how his
life was going to be jeopardized.
26 Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain if we kill
our brother and cover up his blood? 27 Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites
and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and
blood.” His brothers agreed. 28 So when
the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the
cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took
him to Egypt. 29 When Reuben returned to
the cistern and saw that Joseph was not there, he tore his clothes. 30 He went
back to his brothers and said, “The boy isn’t there! Where can I turn now?”
Do you remember ever feeling as if a rug had been ripped
out from under you? A person you trusted with every fiber of your being,
someone you would trust your life with, suddenly do something incomprehensible
to break your trust? And the worst part
is, you never saw it coming.
Can you imagine the blow that Joseph felt? Here it is, his very own siblings, the ones’
he trusted enough to share his thoughts and dreams with, trying to kill him. And
then to sell him as a slave? Maybe he
thought it was some sort of joke to teach him a lesson. He probably regretted bragging at this point.
What do you think he was feeling? What would have been your immediate response?
If your anything like me, a human being, that is…there were
probably many a tear shed, anger, disbelief, disgust, a deep gash to the
very core of your soul.
I don’t care how Christian you are; you are going to feel
something that is probably not found in your theological vocabulary.
The word Christian in Greek means:
adelphotes ad-el-fot'-ace: brotherhood (properly, the feeling
of brotherliness), i.e. the (Christian) fraternity:--brethren, brotherhood.
Brotherhood. NOT SAINT
HOOD!
Definition of Christian according to Merriam-Webster
Dictionary is: One who professes belief
in the teachings of Jesus Christ b (1) :
disciple 2 (2) : a member of one
of the Churches of Christ separating from the Disciples of Christ in 1906 (3)
: a member of the Christian denomination
having part in the union of the United Church of Christ concluded in 1961
You can believe in Christ all you want, be a member of a mega
church, sing in the choir every Sunday, and shout on Wednesday, teach Sunday
school, and serve on the board. You can
have a pew named in your honor. Walk around like Mother Theresa and lend to the poor. It ain’t
going to keep you from experiencing pain, nor reacting to it.
31 Then they got Joseph’s robe, slaughtered a goat and dipped
the robe in the blood. 32 They took the ornate robe back to their father and
said, “We found this. Examine it to see whether it is your son’s robe.” 33 He
recognized it and said, “It is my son’s robe! Some ferocious animal has
devoured him. Joseph has surely been torn to pieces.” 34 Then Jacob tore his
clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. 35 All his sons
and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “No,” he
said, “I will continue to mourn until I join my son in the grave.” So his
father wept for him. 36 Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to
Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard. Exerts from Forgive 'Til it Hurts study guide Copyright January 2016.
-To be continued
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