FORGIVE 'TIL IT HURTS - PART 2

FORGIVE 'TIL IT HURTS-PART 2

By Brenda Graff

        

PIT-FALLS

A quick rundown of last blog: 
Joseph lived in Canaan 
He was 17 
His father, Jacob favored him above the other children since he had been born in his  later years.  He cherished him so much he made him a special tunic with many colors. 
His brothers could not talk to him peaceably for they were increasingly jealous. 
While feeding flock with brothers he brought a bad report by way of dream to his father,
Jacob (Israel).  

Genesis 37: 5-10 This ignited an even stronger argument as to how his brothers were responding to his presence.   His brothers became so enraged they decided to plot his death.  Genesis 37:17-19 

One of his brother’s didn’t agree with plot, and intended on saving him.  He put him in a cistern (pit) in hopes to retrieve him later once his other brothers weren’t aware. 

Procrastination Pit 

How many times have you intended to take care of something important but procrastinated so long, the damage was done?  

Think of auto repairs.  You start with a little leak in a hose that probably would have only cost around $7 dollars to fix, and due to lack of attention becomes a $300 crisis.   

Procrastinating in health issues.  Men are notorious for putting off going to the doctor.  Unfortunately, some illness does need immediate attention or they may turn terminal.   

Putting off addressing a situation with your child, can heap years of sorrow both on the parent and child.  

Procrastination compromises one’s integrity.   

How often do you promise to do something, and never follow through?   

You would procrastinate your way to your own procession…well we’d hope so.  It shows a character not worthy of trust.  Now, I’m not talking about taking the Christmas lights down well after months after the holidays, though it should be done…we’d hope.  Nor am I speaking of the lawn so high above your vehicle, you can’t find your car.   Well, that could be somewhat dangerous.

However, procrastinating a necessary change in one’s life, or family can greatly have an impact on the rest of your life and those in your sphere.  

Rueben intended to save his brother, but he was sadly too late.  He was devastated.  It says in Genesis 37:29 – he tore his clothes.

Have you ever fallen into a pit or experienced a pitfall?

There are many definitions but few stand out to me because I have been there.

Definition: pitfall pit·fall \ˈpit-ˌfȯl\  : a danger or problem that is hidden or not obvious at first  1:  trap, snare; specifically:  a pit flimsily covered or camouflaged and used to capture and hold animals or men  2:  a hidden or not easily recognized danger or difficulty

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pitfall

Joseph had no idea he was about to be thrown into a pit, much less be sold into slavery. 

HEBREW DEFINITION: shachah shaw-khaw' to depress, make to stoop, or worship.

His brothers showed him how he would be the one bowing down this time, having no control over a circumstance at a bottomless pit.

DEFINITION – PIT:  a hole, shaft, or cavity in the ground, an enclosure in which animals are made to fight each other, hell - a place or situation of futility, misery, or degradation

http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Joseph was cast into total degradation at the drop of a dime.  Sold into slavery by his own family.

GREEK DEFINITION: PIT

abussos ab'-us-sos: "abyss":--deep, (bottomless) pit.

http://www.eliyah.com/lexicon.html

Joseph was thrown into a pit of hell unlike he had ever imagined.

Have you ever experienced that kind of pit?  I’m talking about one of those bottomless pits where it hurts just to wake up.  Your filled with so much grief over an injury breathing becomes an effort.  Your heart is so heavy with sorrow, it feels loaded with a sack of nickels.  Sometimes we get thrown into pits by no fault of our own.  You may have grown up with abusive parents, whether physical or emotional.  Often it’s said that physical wounds heal, but verbal leave wounds that ooze over years if not dealt with.

Psalm 57:6 (KJV)

They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst whereof they are fallen themselves. -Selah.

You may have or maybe living with someone who is or was abusive and set you up for failure.  In many cases abusive mates will do everything in their power to prevent their partner from friendships, education, or much interaction with other folks.  Some are so controlling they will literally leave a spouse without transportation or communication means.  They will prevent access to funds.  These individuals, unless through therapy recover usually create their foregrounds from their backgrounds for family...and the cycle continues.

I’ve met so many women over the years who have suffered and still suffer in these situations.  I know too well what this is like as I was in a relationship with someone just as I described.  No one intends on pit-falling.  

Often, if we are not keenly aware, and deeply doused in God’s word which brings wisdom, we can trip over a pea sized problem, procrastinate, and procreate pandemonium and plunge deep into that pit! 

Suddenly, finding yourself with wounds that could hemorrhage for years!  My cloak of hope, love, trust, confidence, and security was ripped from me.  I eventually got out of the situation after many years, but not without open wounds. 

Procrastination is a path to pit-falls.

Money Pit

It could be a partner who mishandles finances. There could be issues with shopping or gambling addictions.  You may feel overwhelmed with the responsibility to stretch and save while stressing over the 'more month then money' circumstance.

Pit of Personal Care-taking

You may have or is someone who is married to an addict.  A situation that forces you to be responsible for everything from the finances, down to decisions, raising of children, to repairs on the home, plus the care of that individual. You may have not been aware that this individual had these issues when you partnered at first.  Or maybe they developed over a traumatic injury, or loss.  (Being cast into that pit without cause).

Pit of Hopelessness

 

It could be the strain of caring for the disabled, mentally challenged, or terminal.  At times may feel that there is no other life outside of this obligation.

 

Whatever the pit – Has someone who may have caused the pit tried to rescue you you from it…not realizing that it was too late?

 

Genesis 37:29 (KJV)

And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit…

Reuben was too late!  He was sorrowful, regretting, and knowing there was nothing he could do.  He was so stricken with sorrow he tore his own clothes. 

That kind of pit I believe is the absolute hardest to climb out of, it’s like trying to climb up a rope soaked in baby oil.

How do you forgive yourself if you’re the pit perpetrator? 

Psalms 51

#1 vs. 1 - Ask God for mercy

#2 vs. 2 - Ask for forgiveness

#3 vs. 3 - Acknowledge your destructive act.

#4 vs. 4 - Recognize you were born into sin.

#5 vs. 5 - Renew your mind.

#6 John 5:15 – Abide in Him!

#7 vs. 13 (Psalms) – Use your experience to better the lives of others.

#8 vs. 14 – Let it go, don’t live in a mindset of chronic self-condemnation.

#9 vs. 17, Psalms 34:18, Isaiah 57:15, 66:2 – Go before the throne with a true broken spirit and let God use that to mold you.

#10 – Mat 18:23-35 Extend mercy just as you were given mercy.

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him 10,000 talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he, his wife, his children, and all that he had…to be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go." But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a 100 denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened." Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from the heart."

-To be continued

 PLEASE HELP

On January  31st Summer took Gracie to the E.R. to get answers of why Gracie was in so much pain.  The doctors came back with the news that they found a mass/tumor on her liver. The doctors told her mom, Summer that they would take Gracie by ambulance to Atlanta hospital. They are currently there now.  Summer lives in LaGrange and is gonna have to travel back and forth from Lagrange to Atlanta. This family needs lots of prayers and some financial assistance.  If you are able to help you can either click on link below to donate direct or mail a check made out to:  Jessica Stafford / 1719 Hines Rd. / LaGrange, GA 30241

CLICK HERE TO HELP LITTLE GRACIE!

FORGIVE 'TIL IT HURTS

FORGIVE 'TIL IT HURTS

By Brenda Graff

 

Forgiveness is a touchy topic.  It is a subject that  most try to 

avoid probably at all cost.  Why is that?  

I believe that it’s because it is one of the most difficult acts to 

proactively express.

Especially when it requires an act against every fiber of what your truly feeling.  It takes a lot to forgive someone that has hurt you deeply.  This can happen purposely, but many times inadvertently. Not everyone sets out to cause pain.  I believe that there are many of us who have probably hurt someone unknowingly, and that individual is still brooding over it thirty-plus years later.  Yet, we are going about our day on schedule as normal not giving it a second thought. Or on the other hand, your walking around with this deep seeded resentment that has hindered your present relationships, and the one who hurt you is living out their life in complete utter happiness oblivious to the damage left behind.  How do you forgive that?

I know you may be thinking it is impossible.  How can you forgive someone who has repeatedly hurt you?  This could be a child, sibling, parent, or spouse etc...  Most relationships outside of that you have an option to avoid.  Unless, you're co-dependent.  The only way to avoid family hurt is to move to another country, change your name, and keep an unlisted number.  But even in that, separation from family that is causing or has caused the pain can leave unforgiveness wounds for years…that will fester and travel with you wherever you move.  What about the people you deal with on a day to day basis?...  the obnoxious co-worker who flaunts their photos of travel and wealth while you haven’t seen a vacation in over twenty years,  the driver in front texting... sat at a green light you’ve been waiting on for nearly ten minutes, and as soon as you approach the light...it turns red, the inconsiderate shopper leaving cart in center aisle on cell phone, as your waiting patiently to reach your items…the overbearing boss who believes he holds the very essence of your livelihood in his hands…what about the folks who quickly throw stones at you without recognizing the bruises they should have received from the boulders that should have knocked them to the ground for their sins.  Forgiveness whether for family, friends, or the very society we live in HURTS!  

Just ask Joseph:  (The one with the coat of many colors)

Joseph faced incredible difficulty in the process of forgiveness.  The journey he went through led him to places, people, and into pain he never imagined he would experience.

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”  ― C.S. Lewis

Genesis 37:1

Jacob lived in the land where his father had stayed, the land of Canaan.

You must read the family line of Joseph to get the full picture of Joseph’s position in his family.

Joseph was sort of what some would consider an arrogant young man.  In which I believe the parents and probably a few favorite Aunts and Uncles contributed to.

Genesis 37:2

Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.  3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an ornate robe for him. 4 When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

His brothers had developed jealousy.  And jealousy can lead to some very dangerous deeds.  It can cause an avalanche of destruction within a home, marriage, between siblings, co-workers, and even in society.  All you have to do is turn on the news and within seconds you will hear of someone losing their life or on their way to jail over jealousy.  

HEBREW DEFINITION: JEALOUS

qana' kaw-naw' to be (causatively, make) zealous, i.e. (in a bad sense) jealous or envious: be (move to, provoke to).

Did you catch that (move to, provoke to)?  How often have you found yourself in a position in which you were moved to act in a way that was motivated by jealousy?  Did you regret your reaction?  How did it affect the person you acted on?  How did it affect you?

GREEK

ophthalmos of-thal-mos' from; the eye (literally or figuratively); vision; figuratively, envy (from the jealous side-glance).

Have you ever become jealous at a glance?  What I mean is, it is really easy to look on the outside of another life and think that there is something you’re missing.  They seem to have the great job, great relationship, great kids, etc.…and you find yourself not only envying, but wishing a comet would come down and blast their perfect world.  You just want to slap the happy off their faces.  Harsh words...  But, truth for many.

Genesis 37:5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. 6 He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: 7 We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it.”

“Nana-nana Boo-boo, I’m better then you”, Joseph proclaimed.

You must have known that had to get his siblings blood boiling.  I’ve got six siblings. I remember growing up and dealing with this.  And I wasn’t always on the receiving end of it.  I had my arrogant part too at times.  And sadly, even to this day there are relationships broken over it.  Despite the crucifixion under conviction with Jesus in my life.  Some things just won’t mend until the recipient can let it go and forgive.

Genesis 37:8 His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

Can you feel the tension in that room so thick you could cut it with a chainsaw?

Geneses 37:9 Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. “Listen,” he said, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.”

Joseph, Boy!  You are already walking on very thin ice. Watch your words. Just imagine what his brothers must have been feeling.  They probably wanted to shank him right then and there.  Every fiber of their being was trying not to choke the cloak off him.  The audacity of it all.

Genesis 37:10 When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?”

What would your reaction be if your child came to you and said, “You’re going to bow down to me?” 

I know, I would have to put myself in a strait jacket and time-out before ending up shipping mine off to a military boot camp or ending up in jail.  ‘Spare the rod…Spare the rod’.

But Joseph’s father handled it by keeping it in mind.  Which meant that he was examining the situation.  Was Joseph being haughty? Or was he prophesying the truth?

Genesis 37:11 His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

His father was keenly aware of the situation, and probably I’m guessing…worried about Joseph’s welfare.  I’m almost certain Pop was under a lot of pressure thinking about how his favoritism caused such dissension between the boys.

_______________

I used to love to re-arrange my living room at least once a month.  Sometimes it would be two times a month.  My husband would joke that if he were blind, he’d have a  stubbed toe every day of the week.  I was obsessive about change.  I love creating new environments.  I would set out with excitement and imaging how the room would look a certain way.  As I poured my morning coffee, and put on my music for motivation, my joy would quickly fade within an inch of first item moved.  I would often find dust bunnies the size of a sabre-tooth, and solidified socks that had been missing for months.  

Pulling back the furniture over it wasn’t an option.  I was going to have to get the broom and dustpan and sweep the mess out.  Sometimes, having to scare it out. Not knowing what live thing was growing in the mound of mess.  

In frustration, I would find that with almost every piece of furniture there were ugly surprises waiting for me.  Some too disgusting to mention here.  I’m sure you get the picture.  Let’s just say, it could definitely have been used in a science lab. 

Sweeping up the mess in Joseph’s dilemma wasn’t going to be that easy.

Genesis 37:12 Now his brothers had gone to graze their father’s flocks near Shechem, 13 and Israel said to Joseph, “As you know, your brothers are grazing the flocks near Shechem. Come, I am going to send you to them.”

“Very well,” he replied.

Jealousy breeds contempt.  It can cause a cataclysmic life not only within yourself but to those you are in relation with.  This would include folks you randomly deal with on a daily basis.

Genesis 37:14 So he said to him, “Go and see if all is well with your brothers and with the flocks, and bring word back to me.” Then he sent him off from the Valley of Hebron.

When Joseph arrived at Shechem, 15 a man found him wandering around in the fields and asked him, “What are you looking for?”  16 He replied, “I’m looking for my brothers. Can you tell me where they are grazing their flocks?” 17 “They have moved on from here,” the man answered. “I heard them say, ‘Let’s go to Dothan.” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. 18 But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.

Jealousy kills.  It not only kills relationships, it can kill the soul.  It has been medically proven that jealousy can also bring about disease that can lead to death.  Worry, jealousy, moodiness linked to higher risk of Alzheimer's in women, study found in October 1, 2014, through the American Academy of Neurology (AAN), according to a nearly 40-year-long study.

 http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/10/141001184410.htm

19 “Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. 20 “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.” 21 When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. “Let’s not take his life,” he said. 22 “Don’t shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the wilderness, but don’t lay a hand on him.” Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father.  23 So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the ornate robe he was wearing 24 and they took him and threw him into the cistern. The cistern was empty; there was no water in it. 25 As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt.

Can you just imagine how Joseph was feeling right about now?  Here he is stripped of his precious coat of many colors, and something that was probably dear to his heart since made by his father. 

He is then thrown in the well with no way of escape as his brothers sit down to eat their lunch.  That's pretty cold.  I’m sure when he woke up that morning he wasn’t expecting for his life to come to a tragic end.  He had no idea his brothers were plotting evil against him.  He probably was skipping along the fields cheerfully as he was going out to meet them.  Joseph had no clue how his life was going to be jeopardized.

26 Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? 27 Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed.  28 So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.  29 When Reuben returned to the cistern and saw that Joseph was not there, he tore his clothes. 30 He went back to his brothers and said, “The boy isn’t there! Where can I turn now?”

Do you remember ever feeling as if a rug had been ripped out from under you? A person you trusted with every fiber of your being, someone you would trust your life with, suddenly do something incomprehensible to break your trust?  And the worst part is, you never saw it coming.

Can you imagine the blow that Joseph felt?  Here it is, his very own siblings, the ones’ he trusted enough to share his thoughts and dreams with, trying to kill him. And then to sell him as a slave?  Maybe he thought it was some sort of joke to teach him a lesson.  He probably regretted bragging at this point. 

What do you think he was feeling?  What would have been your immediate response?

If your anything like me, a human being, that is…there were probably many a tear shed, anger, disbelief, disgust, a deep gash to the very core of your soul. 

I don’t care how Christian you are; you are going to feel something that is probably not found in your theological vocabulary. 

The word Christian in Greek means:

adelphotes ad-el-fot'-ace: brotherhood (properly, the feeling of brotherliness), i.e. the (Christian) fraternity:--brethren, brotherhood.

http://www.eliyah.com/cgi-bin/strongs.cgi?file=greeklexicon&isindex=CHRISTIAN

Brotherhood.  NOT SAINT HOOD!

Definition of Christian according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary is:  One who professes belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ b (1) :  disciple 2 (2) :  a member of one of the Churches of Christ separating from the Disciples of Christ in 1906 (3) :  a member of the Christian denomination having part in the union of the United Church of Christ concluded in 1961

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/christian

You can believe in Christ all you want, be a member of a mega church, sing in the choir every Sunday, and shout on Wednesday, teach Sunday school, and serve on the board.  You can have a pew named in your honor.  Walk around like Mother Theresa and lend to the poor.  It ain’t going to keep you from experiencing pain, nor reacting to it.

31 Then they got Joseph’s robe, slaughtered a goat and dipped the robe in the blood. 32 They took the ornate robe back to their father and said, “We found this. Examine it to see whether it is your son’s robe.” 33 He recognized it and said, “It is my son’s robe! Some ferocious animal has devoured him. Joseph has surely been torn to pieces.” 34 Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. 35 All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “No,” he said, “I will continue to mourn until I join my son in the grave.” So his father wept for him. 36 Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard.   Exerts from Forgive 'Til it Hurts  study guide Copyright January 2016.           

-To be continued